Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Marriage and Parenthood

Some days are diamonds, some are stone. Yesterday was mix. The day ended in a rock avalanche.
I try to do the best I can, and I've made mistakes along this particular road in life.

I never asked to be a Dad, but it is part of my reason for being a lot of days more than I'd like to admit.

I did ask, in marriage, to be a Husband; and yes I have made mistakes along that road to be sure.

Mary has taught me a lot about parenting, and I am grateful for it, I was left as single Dad, the sole parent of a 14 year old, in the winter of 2009. I thought it would be pretty easy as the 14 year old boy at the time was good.

I was not the best Father by any means at first, but I always tried to be there for him as after his Dad lost his health and his hearing
He then lost his Mom to cancer.
Tuff stuff for a young man!

Where I fall down is letting go. He is not 14, he is 17. I still carry that baggage of being the protective worry wart of a parent.

Some days it does more damage than good.
I need to do this not only as a caring parent, but as a caring person. There are so many times when I reach out to help others, that I neglect the immediate needs of some.And yes, this includes my loved ones.

When I strive to go good, to help, I do, on occasion, step on toes and hearts of people that mean the world to me. For me, it is not a case of if I lived the simple existence "Help no-one, just live life and do not give yourself to others."
I have to give.
I have to help others.
It is part of DNA!
For my son, I want to be there for him, to hear him, to cheer for him, to laugh or cry with him, to protect him with my life!

Where I fall down again and again, is needing to tell him things he does not want to hear.

I need to be a much better husband to Mary, in recognizing that life is about partnerships.
She is my life partner and will always be there for me. My son will move on in his life soon. Hopefully move on soon to explore the world of higher education; girlfriends; first apartment; first full time job; marriage etc.

But Mary will be with me in a rocking chair one day long after the boys have left.

I need to remember that!


Kay Dennison said...

Letting go is the hardest thing I ever had to do and, according to my daughter, I did it well. One day when I was driving her home from her college she said, "Y'know, Mom, I'm really proud of you." I said, "Oh?"
She said, "Yeah, you really let go of us. I didn't think you would because you were always right there when we were growing up and now you're just letting us live our lives and follow our own paths."

My reply? "Well, that was why I was vigilant. I always knew that you kids would grow up one day and want to see the world. I was watchful so that when it was time I could be confident that you would make good choices. And you both have done very well."

That was about 20 years ago and they are both still making me proud.

May your son do the same!

Chris H said...

It will get easier mate.
I've watched 6 of my children grow up and leave home.. we all make mistakes in trying to help them grow up... don't worry, it all comes out right eventually.
And yes, taking care of one's life partner is paramount too.

Vixbil said...

Just caught up, glad you're back. xxxx