Sunday, August 30, 2009

Touching and Hearing Home

I have to keep in check my overwhelming desire to right the wrongs. I have grown miles in my deafness and illness that of September 2007, and I changed, the problem I have is that the world around me kept basically the same ideas, and ideals.

It is coming up on my two year anniversary of my medical nightmare that cost me my hearing, my balance, and my old carefree world that knew no boundaries. All of that changed on September 9th 2007, when I ended up on life support, and parked in a coma until they could figure out what was going on.

The above two paragraphs are connected by the simple fact that I had a reprieve of sorts that led me on a path or journey if you will, to discover how amazing life can be. It also opened my eyes to the fallacious and misguided place this planet can be, when people put their deceptive and deceiving minds to it.

I saw in my total and complete deafness a different world than I saw in my old world.

Old David ran hard and fast, lived carefree and at times carelessly.
But by doing so I missed the concerto that life played out for me.
To be sure, it was playing in all of its glory, but I had blinders on eyes and ears, and dug cleats into the playing field so I would not miss any balls that came my way.
Problem was, I missed a whole lot of life and ended up 90 days in a hospital bed. Deaf as a stump, and walking only with aids of walkers and canes. Tough stuff for a guy who had yet to turn 50!

In my gratitude for not dying, I wanted to give back to the world "something".
Not sure what, but I felt like the world was new, and my gratitude overwhelmed me.

That feeling started to slide away and did not last, as after a year of "hearing" through the technological wonder of a cochlear implant, I felt myself slipping at times back into my old ways. Going back to the person that ignored life's concerto and ran full steam ahead into the wake that I wanted to, and managed to avoid in my new world.

I have to be conscious of the fact that I was given a reprieve two years ago.
For the first twenty five years in my professional career, I missed so much of life trying to make money for the company, attempting to fatten my personal inventory of "stuff" and make me better by doing what I know now is all the wrong things; trying to make things "perfect" for the family by purchasing stuff that I thought would make life better, trying to make an impression for the good opinion of "others", who I now know did not give a rodents rectum about me, and there I was trying to give the illusion of a "perfect" life.


So today as I go back to my new feeling of gratitude and my overwhelming desire to right the wrongs, I realize that the world is full of speed bumps that I can never rid, and I need to be grateful for this place. Warts and all!
Perhaps by just being here and taking note of the bumps and warts and being a friend when I can, a mentor when asked, a Dad when needed, and a good denizen of the planet always, is all that is required.

As I read once, it is sad and perverse in the fact that we only notice we are alive, when we are reminded of the fact that we are dying. Or in my case, I was literally dying. On life support and give the proverbial "24 hours".

The Grace I was given was a gift that I cherish to be sure, but I have to remind myself when I see the little and silly crap around me and in life, that the bigger context is what's important.

It is an amazing place, and I want to enjoy it. I have a new life now and very different from my old life.
I have new love that is exciting and generous in it's gift.
I have a new way of hearing that is a grace I sometimes take for granted and get depressed at the fact that it is not the same.
I should be so grateful for the technology that gives me sound.

Two days ago I was at a company baseball game and was asked to play. It is the first time in over two years that I put on the mit and swung the bat.
The first 100 minutes of the 120 minute game sucked big!
I have no balance and walking is a confidence game that I struggle with. Playing center field scared the crap out of this wobbly walker, and every ball (sadly many are hit there) that came my way, I closed my eyes and cursed the date of September 9, 2007 when I lost it all.
The two hour game seemed to drag on in my misery and pity party.

Then I had the Epiphany in the field that brought me back to my old euphoric state that my reprieve brought me almost two years ago.
I was alive, and playing baseball!
I was alive and playing baseball!
I was on my feet alive, and playing baseball!
I was alive on my feet playing baseball and hearing all the sounds!
I was alive on my feet playing baseball and hearing all of the glorious sounds, squeals, laughter, claps, cheers.
I was hearing life's beautiful concerto in all of it's glory.

I took my last at bat at got a single. My teammates hit me along to third base.
I scampered home on my co-workers RBI single.

As I touched home plate I looked up and gave a big smile to the big guy!
I heard the cheers and heard and felt the rubber of touching home.

Heard and Felt!

Who would of thunked that I would have heard and felt anything ever again? Especially if you saw me deaf and in a wheel chair 700 days ago!

What a great place to hang around for a while!




Lori said...

Oh David this is beautiful honesty. So much truth written here about this journey of yours. How blessed you are to have your eye's opened up so that you can see all that is fully yours.

Nature Girl said...


As I sit here in my own little pity party for one I am reminded why you inspire me so much. Thanks...I needed this!

I'm so happy things are going so well for you!

LegalMist said...

Congratulations on scoring your run! And even more importantly, congratulations on your renewed (again!) appreciation for the beauty and wonder of life. :)

Anonymous said...

Right on!!!

Debby said...

Thanks. I needed to read this today!

Anonymous said...

I think I should bookmark this post and come back every time I bemoan anything that feels like a setback.
I love how you move from the simple "I'm alive" to the full list of blessings of that moment.

And "rodents rectum" made me laugh!

Green said...

When I first re-learned how to walk I promised myself I would never be lazy again and forevermore appreciate being able to run up the stairs.

Yeah, um I forgot. But this summer was 14 years since it happened and while I don't always remember to be happy I'm zipping up a staircase, I remember often enough to appreciate it.

That's the whole point of getting better, you know. To get on with life.

Julie D said...

What a great post. Getting caught up on my blog reading. Happy Saturday!

Tom Hannon said...

Stealing from the Talking Heads “This Must Be The Place.” Glad you’re in it, for whatever hiccup of the cosmos.

~Tom : Deaf 2006 : CI-Borg 2007 : Luminoid 2008-9 :

Sarah Lulu said...

Cheering with you.

I'm very balance challenged too....I love your blog so much I never miss it.

Thanks for inspiring me.

Government Funded Blogger said...

A great accomplishment ,Dave.Thanks for your kind comment at my blog.

Your positive and inspirational post sure helps this old guy in his moments of despair.

joanne said...

as always..touching, thoughtful and amazing. You always make me think my friend, and that is a good thing...;p

Bunchy said...

Your positivity is awe-inspiring. Thanks, David. :)

joanne said...

Beautiful... glad to have the new and improved version back!!! I am so happy for you..;)

The Old Tarf said...

David, glad you are still hanging around.

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