Thursday, July 23, 2009

Act 2: A Love Story

If "Act 1" of my life were to be labeled or defined, some would call parts of the act both tragedy and comedy.

Tragedy in the sense that towards the end of my "Act 1", or in the last two years, I suffered a medical meltdown, on life support, in a coma for ten days, then a period after that night that saw me hospitalized for 100 days, and rehabilitating at home for 15 months.

During that time, and shortly after my medical 9/11, I became totally and profoundly deaf, lost all inner balance that put me in a wheel chair to start, then months and months (still on going) of physical therapy to teach me how to walk with NO BALANCE.

The above would be part comedy, and I saw the humor in life as I stumbled around deaf and awkwardly.

I crawled out of my medical soup and started down a road of recovery. During that part of my "Act 1" I lost my wife of 19 years to a dogged and determined blood cancer called Leukemia.
And oh yea, I lost my dog as well to cancer.

So my life in 2009 was started different, as my son Dan and I set out in the world as best we could. My mindset was good, and as I wrote often here, I was in discovery mode to see the world through a new and fresh perspective.

Then I met Mary!

I have posted about her and described how my new friend Mary graced and changed my life quickly. I first posted back in April this:
"So when someone graced my life a few weeks ago, I did the usual observing, listening, contemplating, deliberating, meditating, and reflective thought. After reasonable time and conversation it became clear that this new soul was a kindred one indeed.

I am pensive and rational by nature, so I was intrigued by my "full speed ahead" quest to spend more time with this wonderful soul as she was so engrossing.

My deafness along with my obvious magnet on my melon, has made me more shy and guarded than the previous analog version of myself. It was with great delight that this lady disarmed my silly perspective of myself, and made me feel "normal". In so much as I hate the word normal, and at times believe I am no different than before, I am also aware that my challenges with cochlear aided hearing do indeed make me different.

I had also forgotten how wonderful it is to share conversation one on one, as I posted a while ago. I get caught up in the wonderful world of sharing, and find myself "hogging" the conversation, as I have been for starved of that for quite some time.

Acceptance of new friendship can be hard. When one is "not looking", "not interviewing" or "not accepting resumes" for the friend position; one is caught of guard a little bit when the universe offers up a wonderful kindred soul to share and laugh with.
To allot and apportion my time with is a treat now as I look forward to the experience and the daily give and take of the conversation that is offered up when two people share common interests and goals.
The give and take of life is worthy of sharing with others. So my enchantment moved quickly to contentment.

Yes it has been a relatively short period of time in our friendship, but we are not 17 any more, and there is no sadness in that simple fact.

Life moves on at the speed of life. Change happens faster than we like, but it changes.
The glee and gratification of sharing the day to day trials and tribulations are lighter from the mirth and pleasure of having someone to chew the words with.
Another wonderful soul to relish the day with.
A kindred spirit to share the hilarity and jollity of life and it's joy.

There are no accidents in the Universe"
End of post.

Since meeting we have spent 134 days in each others company. We have only been apart for 7 days, and that was when Mary and her sister took a vacation together. It was during that week apart that I knew that I had something special in my life. A kindred spirit. A wonderful soul that was quickly becoming my best friend in the universe and the love of my life.

The relationship was amazing from the start, and it was as if we knew each other all our life's.
She made me comfortable in my "magnet on melon" appearance, and found it "silly" that I considered myself "handicapped", when I had hearing and other than a magnet on my head, I was just like anyone else.

We share life together as if we have been together for 134 years, not days. Our experiences, strengths and hopes from and for life are common indeed. I often question why such an amazing lady would want anything to do with a deaf old 51 year old.
Mary is a self proclaimed "Pain in the ass", but she is anything but!

Mary has two adult children so has been more than a tremendous resource in dealing with my 15 year old. Trust me on this, as good as Dan is, he is still a 15 year old boy discovering high school and all of the temptations and peer pressure that go with it.
Mary has "been there, seen that" and is amused most of the time at my naivety in the world of parenting.
I have learned much and continue to do so. Not just about parenting, but life. I have a wonderful teacher in my life now, that shows me not by telling or stating the obvious, but by watching her, and listening to her. I have learned mountains of good life lessons, and daily it astonishes me at how far I have come.

But it is the love that makes "Act 2" so wonderful.
It is indeed an second act in my life, and I am grateful for it. I will never loose nor forget the first act and how it shaped my life.
The wonderful things it brought me.
The beautiful boy that is also a love of my life is a major part of my first act, as is a marriage of 19 years, and a medical firestorm that changed the way I see the world.

But it is a love I have with and for Mary that is new territory and amazingly wonderful. I have never felt this way.

It is not a "puppy dog" love, nor is it the love/lust of two 17 year old's. God knows we are both not 17 anymore, and are clear on how short life is, and where we are in God's calendar.

So for the past 134 days I have felt the love of an amazing woman.
Shared stories, meals, laughs, friends, hurts, cries, hugs, cleaning duties, laundry, bed making, shopping, sunrises and sunsets.
I have met and spent time with her wonderful family, and her with mine.

We are in love!

So we will ride off in a plane to spend 7 days in the Dominican Republic on Saturday, and I am in bliss about having my new best friend by my side 24/7. No interruptions for work!

Life is amazingly wonderful and when I look back on the last two years I do a big "huh?"
How can I be so happy so happy after everything I have been through?

Answer is simple, and she goes by the name Mary.

Life in a Cone of Silence was my first attempt at writing a blog describing the world of deafness and how the world was viewed in silence.
Five String Guitar was a life in a liminal space that wrote about my new way of hearing the world through a cochlear implant, but offered up the limitations of sound. Five out of six strings if you will.

I found my missing string!




bobbie said...

I am very happy for you and Mary, and that you have found that missing string.

God bless.

Sylvia K said...

David, I couldn't be happier for you and for Mary! May you have a beautiful trip! May your new life together be all that you could ever wish for and more. It was particularly interesting for me to read this because I'm having a similar experience in my own life. Guess it truly isn't over until the fat lady sings! said...

aw what a nice pic :) i wish you all the lovely luck! :)

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful story. I can easily imagine your happiness. Some of the best things occur later in life when you think you're on the downside and all the good stuff is pretty much gone by. My best wishes to you both!

Anonymous said...

The photo tells the whole story. If you had written no words but just posted the photo I would have gotten the whole thing anyway. I am already in love with Mary too. For a man who has graciously blessed my life with words that cause me to think and feel deeply, you are deserving of a woman who makes you so outwardly and inwardly content and happy! Enjoy your vacation together! This is terrific!

smalltownme said...


Kerry said...

The picture tells the story.
So happy for you!

Annieofbluegables said...

I probably can't add anything profound to what has already been said, other than to let you know I, too, am rejoicing in this new found love.
The picture does say it all, except I have never seen you or Mary, or Janet, so I wouldn't know. Thanks for the explanation.
Have a happy vacation and congrats on Act II

Jennifer said...

Reading this has brought me SO much joy. The picture made me smile like you wouldn't believe. It's time for you to have some magic in your life deserve this. Thank you for sharing Mary with us!

Mary Ellen said...

I'm so thrilled that you have found love and happiness again. You have given so much joy, it's high time you received some.

Congratulations, Dave. I may have 'met' you during the intermission, but I'm sure that Act 2 is gonna be great.

(and you can't deny that she has a terrific name - really!)

Laurie said...


I have goose bumps on my arms as I read your post. How wonderful that you have found a new "normal" and a new "love" for this new "chapter" in your life! You are one of the lucky ones, now that you have found your "missing string." May the sound of "strings" from your guitar fill your days wih music!

Have a wonderful vacation and all my best to you and Mary.


Grammyof13 said...

You have such a talented way with words. I am so glad I found your blog. I love the title and the meaning behind it.

I'm happy for you and your new found love/friend. God usually has people to add to our life, that will enhance it.

Keep writing.

Sarah Lulu said...

Ohhh such a lovely story.

Such an inspiration.

She sounds and looks beautiful inside and out.

God bless your new journey. xxxx

Kay Dennison said...

Awesome, Dave!!!! I'm so happy for you both,

Chris H said...

I am totally, completely rapt for you and Mary. I hope you two have the best life together with Dan and the extended family.

Kim said...

YAHOO Dave!!!! What an awesome blog posting. So glad you found the missing string


La Belette Rouge said...

You amaze me. I am so very happy for you. No one deserves a happy Act 2 more than you. Have a great time!!!

LegalMist said...

I'm so happy for you both! Enjoy your trip, and your new love. :)

themom said...

I am truly happy for your new found happiness! What a lovely lady. Enjoy Punta Cana - it is great. Relax and recharge. See ya when you get back - anad post lots of pics.

Julie D said...

This brought tears of joy to my eyes. I am so happy for you...congrats and have an amazing trip!!!!

PS. Does Mary have a brother for me? LOL

Laura ~Peach~ said...

that is the bestest most wonderful post ever and i am so thrilled and happy for you both!
Love hugs and prayers :)

Anonymous said...

That photo says it all! Look at you guys! I love it! I couldn't be happier for the both of you! Have a wonderful time and know that your buddies out here couldn't be more pleased for you!

Dee said...

Life is complex and wonderful.

So that's you huh David? I would have known you anywhere.

Grab life and enjoy it to the fullest.

jeanie said...

Oh David - I am so happy that you have had a curtain raised on Act 2 - I am sure that you, GuitarBoy and Mary all deserve the best shots at happiness.

Enjoy the trip - and the whole drama of life.

hockeychic said...

So happy for you. This is wonderful news indeed! Have a wonderful trip.


Jennifer Bruno Conde said...

Wonderful Dave! May you and Mary be happy together during this act of your life! I bet Janet is looking down on you and is thankful for your happiness! You deserve it.


The Old Tarf said...

Bless your heart, David. I am so happy for you and mary. God works in mysterious ways.

Nature Girl said...

THAT is AWSOME!! I'm so happy for you're not the only one that found a gem in Act 2, so did Mary!


rennratt said...

Oh, David! I am happy beyond words for you!

Congratulations to you and Mary. Love after profound loss is even sweeter.

Anonymous said...

David, I am so happy for you! The picture that you posted of the both of you truly shows what you have been describing in words: Mary is full of the joy of life.

Anonymous said...

Just did some catching up on your blog Dave, as I have been on an adventurous vacation of my own - I am so glad you're sharing all of your joy with us (as well as everything else), and I'm thrilled on your behalf that you've found Mary, and that she found you too.


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