Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Perfection.

I seem to have gone away from here for a jag.
Life got busy, and as always, travels at the speed of life, which tends to speed up exponentially as per the number of "things" one has on the many burners.

Spring sprung of course, ions ago, and now we sit in springs purgatory awaiting the dogs days that the summer seems to promise and deliver.

I am still "here" of course, still in a liminal state that offers up semblance of sound in a digital format by day, and utter and profound silence at night, sans the magnet that connects my cochlear implant to the PC embedded in my skull. Comprehension waxes and wanes, but thankfully more waxing than waning.

Work is the necessary function that keeps me away from the blogosphere, sadly. I have to make money to buy food and put a roof over the heads of me and Guitar Boy. I can live in a dumpster, no problem, and quite frankly there are those days when the tax, utility, heat, phone, cable, internet, and water bills all come in at once, that I yearn for the simplicity of the homeless.
Ahhh! To live in a tent!
The thought passes once I lay my head down on my down pillow and pull up my duvet. In the silence of night, the world seems fine again. It is the times when the bedlam and pandemonium of my concerto overwhelms, when I want to run away and join Toby Tyler in the circus.

I am considering a half marathon this fall. Ambitious, yes, but I need a "BHAG" (big harry audacious goal) to get some spark back into the Saucony shoes.
And what do I know about "me"?
A 10K event is a noble goal, but why run for an hour when you can run for two?
A Marathon of course is far too much out of the realm of possibility. It has been three years since I ran the Toronto half marathon, so baby steps would dictate a what? 5K?
10K?
A ten mile?
No sir, sadly, I have the personality that says run big or run home. Besides, I have almost 16 weeks to get there.

I have not been totally absent from the world of Blogger, as I check in nightly and read my favorite people and catch up on your lives like a voyeur lurking in the hedges. I know, I know, ......"why don't you leave a comment David?"
Well I suspect sheepishly that if I did, you would pounce on me for leaving you all with a post over three weeks ago, the poof!
Nothing!
Departed, dissolved and AWOL all at the same time.

So I am writing to keep the stream going. I put down words, as I have always said, for me. I write because the road I embarked on some 16 months ago, is many roads or paths if you will. On one particular path to Enlightenment, I discovered that when I put fingers to "QWERTY" a stream came forth.
Sure, a trickle at first, but the more I touched the keys, and looked out the window of my world, the trickle became stronger.
The path/road/stream changed as much as my life did.

It took me this long, and over many books, blogs, journals and personal meditations to discover what Buddhist teach and preach: The teachings and writings tell us that Buddha, of course is symbolic, and our idealized image of perfection equates to our concept of Enlightenment, and if we believe we have the correct image of what it means to be Enlightened, then we need to throw out that image and keep meditating.

In my case "keep writing", keep the stream going.
In my last post I told you good readers that I had reached a place where I was "happy, content, and serene. Most importantly I am at peace with myself"

I expressed my inner thoughts at the time and told you that "I like me!"

And I do.

But to be clear, to be content is different than to reach Enlightenment.
I liked me on that Friday of a long weekend. The garden was amazing and the offerings de jour were enough to fill me up for a while. I took it all in, and gave some back.
I needed to realize that my path goes on and needs to be analyzed and scrutinized. The road or journey I am on is not over.
Far from it.
My inner peace that I found that day was a lookout point on my journey, where I stopped, rested, refreshed, took in the glorious view, and carried on.

And from the nano second that I posted that last post, the view changed. As did yours and everyone else.
Our 83 problems changed, by the minute in many cases, but we still all have 83. I struggle with sound and balance, but am getting better at both.
Traffic used to bother me, now I put it to good use and meditate if I can. Bills pile up as do dirty dishes, so I deal with them as best I can, and try to get back on the "right path."
I am a single parent of a wonderful but challenging 15 year old, and being "content" with myself is not enough to do that job. I have to constantly change with the wind and the world. I have to do more, know more, and "listen" more or better in my liminal space here.

The path or road that I travel I hope never gives me the feeling of "perfection". I want to keep striving, keep working, keep meditating, keep swimming.
And keep writing.
I have been through a lot, but I have oh so much further to travel.

I am enjoying the journey, but I am not stopping to rest for long.I have to get back to the simple concepts that I have learned learned in the past 16 months in my journey:

"Don't worry about "enlightenment" or about "felt need." When you're hungry, eat. When someone else is hungry, give them food. It's not about understanding: Just do it.

Perceive the situation of this moment, without making I/my/me. Then reflect the correct action. If your nose itches, you scratch it, that's all. "

Life is pretty simple, and beautiful always. We just need to stop the need for perfection.
I hope I never have an image of perfection in my life.

I don't want to miss any lessons because of an idealized image

Namaste!

David






33 comments:

hockeychic said...

"I don't want to miss any lessons because of an idealized image" - what a beautiful line.

Good to see you writing again.

Namaste.

IM AN IM said...

What wonderful words Dave. I'm glad you found the time to write.

I came across a half marathon today that I wish I could do. I will be doing a race the following day and will be out of town but it will be on my list for next year.

It is a carbon nuetral event. Have a look.

www.portperryrun.ca

Craig

Vixbil said...

Thanks for keeping up with me, sorry I haven't done the same. So much has gone on for you and guitar boy obviously.
Love
Vix

Green said...

Glad you're alive and kicking. Or running, in this case.

Laurie said...

Run, David, Run! Good to see you posting again....I, too, long for the simple things in life.

Now people are going to pounce on me.....I'm long overdue for a blog post! Take care!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

always love to see a post from you :) hugsssssss

Jennie said...

I love the BHAG - must use it in some context soon.

Just for the record, I never berate people for commenting, but not updating their own blog. I do it all the time :-)

Thank you for introducing me to the whole 83 problem thing. I think about it, and use it all the time now. Makes beind a grown up more bearable.

Chris H said...

I have been rather busy.... family etc... but just YESTERDAY I remember thinking "What's happened to David?" and look at that! You popped back up! Glad you are doing so well.. and so glad you popped back up. You were missed.

themom said...

Welcome back. I just figured you were engrossed in work or guitar Boy. I hope the marathon works for you. You can pop in and out of here at your leisure. We WILL find you!

Government Funded Blogger said...

nice to see you posting been too busy also to post much plus scriver's block.

kcinnova said...

Busy, I understand. Contentment, I understand. Perfection? I'm most certainly not there. Improvement is always a worthy goal. And I salute you for your BHAG of a half marathon. I will be ecstatic when I can run a 5K again (at which point I will promptly sign myself up for a 10k or 12k); however, that is a long way into my future.
Mostly, I am glad to hear from you again, be it a comment [big smile from me] or a post. I miss reading your thoughts.
Carrying on with my 83 problems (and I thank you for that, too!),
KC

jdm said...

Hi, Dave,

Glad to see you are well. Not trying to place pressure on you, worrying is in my nature though I fight it furiously! I guess having two children and a husband doesn´t give me enough to worry about so I have to worry about my friend from afar.

Funny you should mention simplicity. My little Dominican friend, Pedrito, was just talking yesterday about how we complicate our lives with electricity, etc and how much simpler and in his opinion, better, things were before. He said this while we were sitting in the midst of a blackout in the barrio. Not an uncommon occurance around here. Warm showers are rare and frankly, I´ve gotten used to the cold ones. We sat by candlelight and talked. Maybe I should say I listened. My Spanish is limited, but I catch a word here or there. He talks to me as if I understand every word. He is such a delight.

Red beans and white rice have become a favorite in the last ten days.

The best to you.
Jan

La Belette Rouge said...

I am so happy to see you back. No pressure. Write when you can and don't when you can't. No explanations required.

I love your BHAG! Very cool!!

And, Dave, thank you for the incredible comment you left on my blog yesterday. You made my day!!
xo

John said...

I learned a new acronym today thanks to you ("BHAG"). Good luck in your endeavor. : )

I really don't know what it means to be enlightened. I just keep sitting. I know that I feel better when I do than when I don't. Perhaps that is enlightment. : )

dellgirl said...

Dave, you "DO" have a way with words. I love reading you posts, they're so soothing and melodic. It seems as though you and I have been captured by the same culprit -work. The only difference is that I don't get paid for what I do (retired) and, it is for myself and family that I do it. I'll gladly take this work load over going to a job any day though.LOL

Enjoy the run!

dellgirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Robyn said...

Hi Dave,

Fantastic about the running. May I tempt you in doing one here in NZ with me sometime? A 10k or Half? We can be the two unbalanced people doing it :)

Cheers
Robyn

Mary Ellen said...

Reading your posts always makes me feel better. Somehow you remind me to be grateful; to make sure stress doesn't keep me from enjoying all I have; that I'm not the singular one with 84.

Thanks, Dave.

Kay Dennison said...

Glad you stopped by. Dave, even though I was off on a trip out of town. Glad you like to have a BHAG -- I'm thinking I need one, too.

Julie said...

Getting caught up on my blog reading finally. Good morning!

smiles4u said...

Your words resonate with me because I find myself in a similar place in my life right now. I just posted today for the first time in a month. I did not plan on taking a break from writing or visiting blogs but life did catch up with me or is it that life got ahead of me. There is never enough time to do all that I need, let alone want to do.

While there has been much good that has come out of this past month, I wish that I had been able to record this journey while going through it. So many lessons learned and conquered...yes, life continues on and on and I like you don't want to miss the lessons in any of it...and oh yes, that battle with perfection....lol.

I am thankful for all that you are learning. I am thankful that you share it with us and don't just keep it to yourself.

You seem to always have so much for me to digest...Such good food for my soul. Thank you! Namaste to you my friend.

Karen Deborah said...

try reading some C.S. Lewis.

LegalMist said...

thanks for sharing your thoughts - always helpful for me, in my quest to enjoy life as it is instead of wishing it could be something different....

good luck with your half marathon!

smiles4u said...

Just stopping by to say Happy Father's Day. I hope you have a nice weekend with your son!

PS I think of you and hope that you are still doing well on this journey. Be good to yourself my friend.

rennratt said...

It's good to see you around, writing when you can.

Congratulations on taking up the BHAG. Have fun with the marathon prep; the time outside will do you some good.

Happy Father's Day!

Chris H said...

OK... you need to pop back in to make us stop worrying about ya mate!

Dee said...

I so since I too have been playing voyeur and feel as if I have been caught,I have decided to put my head out and say hello once again David, glad to hear you are doing what you always do so well.

Circus Kelli said...

You're good people, David.

Take care.

Kay Dennison said...

Glad to see you're hanging tough and doing well.

Kay Dennison said...

Glad to see you're hanging tough and doing well.

jojo said...

David,
been checking in on you and looking forward to some word...hope you and Dan are well..take care my friend..jj

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