Life got busy, and as always, travels at the speed of life, which tends to speed up exponentially as per the number of "things" one has on the many burners.
Spring sprung of course, ions ago, and now we sit in springs purgatory awaiting the dogs days that the summer seems to promise and deliver.
I am still "here" of course, still in a liminal state that offers up semblance of sound in a digital format by day, and utter and profound silence at night, sans the magnet that connects my cochlear implant to the PC embedded in my skull. Comprehension waxes and wanes, but thankfully more waxing than waning.
Work is the necessary function that keeps me away from the blogosphere, sadly. I have to make money to buy food and put a roof over the heads of me and Guitar Boy. I can live in a dumpster, no problem, and quite frankly there are those days when the tax, utility, heat, phone, cable, internet, and water bills all come in at once, that I yearn for the simplicity of the homeless.
Ahhh! To live in a tent!
The thought passes once I lay my head down on my down pillow and pull up my duvet. In the silence of night, the world seems fine again. It is the times when the bedlam and pandemonium of my concerto overwhelms, when I want to run away and join Toby Tyler in the circus.
I am considering a half marathon this fall. Ambitious, yes, but I need a "BHAG" (big harry audacious goal) to get some spark back into the Saucony shoes.
And what do I know about "me"?
A 10K event is a noble goal, but why run for an hour when you can run for two?
A Marathon of course is far too much out of the realm of possibility. It has been three years since I ran the Toronto half marathon, so baby steps would dictate a what? 5K?
A ten mile?
No sir, sadly, I have the personality that says run big or run home. Besides, I have almost 16 weeks to get there.
I have not been totally absent from the world of Blogger, as I check in nightly and read my favorite people and catch up on your lives like a voyeur lurking in the hedges. I know, I know, ......"why don't you leave a comment David?"
Well I suspect sheepishly that if I did, you would pounce on me for leaving you all with a post over three weeks ago, the poof!
Departed, dissolved and AWOL all at the same time.
So I am writing to keep the stream going. I put down words, as I have always said, for me. I write because the road I embarked on some 16 months ago, is many roads or paths if you will. On one particular path to Enlightenment, I discovered that when I put fingers to "QWERTY" a stream came forth.
Sure, a trickle at first, but the more I touched the keys, and looked out the window of my world, the trickle became stronger.
The path/road/stream changed as much as my life did.
It took me this long, and over many books, blogs, journals and personal meditations to discover what Buddhist teach and preach: The teachings and writings tell us that Buddha, of course is symbolic, and our idealized image of perfection equates to our concept of Enlightenment, and if we believe we have the correct image of what it means to be Enlightened, then we need to throw out that image and keep meditating.
In my case "keep writing", keep the stream going.
In my last post I told you good readers that I had reached a place where I was "happy, content, and serene. Most importantly I am at peace with myself"
I expressed my inner thoughts at the time and told you that "I like me!"
And I do.
But to be clear, to be content is different than to reach Enlightenment.
I liked me on that Friday of a long weekend. The garden was amazing and the offerings de jour were enough to fill me up for a while. I took it all in, and gave some back.
I needed to realize that my path goes on and needs to be analyzed and scrutinized. The road or journey I am on is not over.
Far from it.
My inner peace that I found that day was a lookout point on my journey, where I stopped, rested, refreshed, took in the glorious view, and carried on.
And from the nano second that I posted that last post, the view changed. As did yours and everyone else.
Our 83 problems changed, by the minute in many cases, but we still all have 83. I struggle with sound and balance, but am getting better at both.
Traffic used to bother me, now I put it to good use and meditate if I can. Bills pile up as do dirty dishes, so I deal with them as best I can, and try to get back on the "right path."
I am a single parent of a wonderful but challenging 15 year old, and being "content" with myself is not enough to do that job. I have to constantly change with the wind and the world. I have to do more, know more, and "listen" more or better in my liminal space here.
The path or road that I travel I hope never gives me the feeling of "perfection". I want to keep striving, keep working, keep meditating, keep swimming.
And keep writing.
I have been through a lot, but I have oh so much further to travel.
I am enjoying the journey, but I am not stopping to rest for long.I have to get back to the simple concepts that I have learned learned in the past 16 months in my journey:
"Don't worry about "enlightenment" or about "felt need." When you're hungry, eat. When someone else is hungry, give them food. It's not about understanding: Just do it.
Perceive the situation of this moment, without making I/my/me. Then reflect the correct action. If your nose itches, you scratch it, that's all. "
Life is pretty simple, and beautiful always. We just need to stop the need for perfection.
I hope I never have an image of perfection in my life.
I don't want to miss any lessons because of an idealized image