As the remains of the year colored our foliage, and a late September frost nipped now and again, I found myself all out of sorts.
With My Tinnitus raging 24/7 resulting in little sleep, which resulted in a depressive mood. The auditory hallucinations or the "Auds" (or Odds) as I often refer to them, drowned out all important sound and brought me to thoughts that I never thought I would have. It also brought me to my knees as well as visits to doctors, councilors and medical professionals. These medical peeps I at one time thought only existed in books and movies.
My deafness, although accepted by yours truly at one time, became a bigger elephant in my room as it played games with my subconscious all the way to my attic where my fragile ego hung on for dear life. I was missing words, sentences, movies, music....LIFE!
So putting fingers to QWERTY is my therapy, and you my good readers, (is it vain to assume that someone is reading this?) are my therapists. I await your invoices.
The year of our Lord 2015 saw changes at the speed of life, surprises to send the heart into shock, deaths of good friends, births of babies including a "Poirier" that will carry on our family name, and changes of old ways to hopefully make David "better"
We lost our furry baby Shamus, in the early spring, and welcomed "Myla the Malshi/Monkey" into our home and hearts.
My beautiful wife and best friend Mary kept my sanity in check for the most part, and encouraged roads to take to get well again. She is my rock, and how she puts up with this deaf pain in the ass guy is more of a wonder every day!
Depression is a funny thing. When I read of other sufferers, my response has always been "oh come on, what do you have to be depressed about?". When I lost my hearing, balance, ability to hear and understand music, my wife of 20 years, my dog of 9 years, all within the year 2008, oddly, I felt fine.
Life moved along at the speed of life, and I got myself back to work and back on the horse as it were.
Then 7 years later I hit the proverbial wall. My "Guitar" still had only five strings, but it was now way out of tune.
Breakdowns come in all shapes and sizes which make them interesting to recognize. I can say with certainty that my life was, and is, fine. We have no issues with money , and I have a good and challenging job. I am happily in the best relationship of my life with a women that I have ever been in. So on that late September morning when I hit that wall at the speed of life, I was surprised, but in retrospect it all made sense.
Warning signs were there, I now recognize. But that is all in the past, and my go here at writing again is to help me. If anyone reads these little bits, then all the better. If anyone finds a gem or bobble out of these rocks, then even better.
So my hope is to write a bit as much and as often as I can and tune this beat up old five string to make some music.
Back on the horse!
Saturday, April 11, 2015
In the last winter before our faithful furry friend entered into twilight, he got to winter in Florida.
I like to think of this as his last hurrah. My mind will record it as a simple request from a wonderful little dog who asked for nothing, and gave so much back.
I tell people the reason Mary wintered for 2 months in the sunny confines of Florida was because of Shamus: It was our boy's final and only thing he ever asked for: "Guy's, before I eat my last treat on this planet , can I put in my a request to winter south and not have to do those morning walks in the biting cold, with snow, ice and that dreaded SALT that goes between my paws."? That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
What can I write about a dog that I have been the benefactor of his love for the 6 years I have known him?
A dog that has been Mary's faithful companion for the past 11 years.
A dog that was in our wedding party 4 1/2 years ago.
A dog that has as many names as the Eskimos have for love.
Shamus (spelt this way because....) was AKA Shamus McTavish (I loved to tell people that was his full name as he was a Irish/Scottish mix), McGavin (no idea, he got this one a lot? Magoo (again, his eye sight was bang on, so at a loss for the Mr. Magoo moniker). Pineapple
Upside Down Dog (Got this one when he slept on his back on the coach and slide down upside down, still asleep)
Probably a few more that escape me, but no doubt will reminisce with Mary and we will fondly find a few more.
Dogs, as we know, are the best! Friends beyond our bestest. Companions without any strings. Want for nothing and give so much!
Shamus was no exception. He lived to please us. Loved to give his love. He was only hurt when he thought he disappointed us, which he never did.
He loved the sun, and loved to lay in it. He was a watcher of life and all it brought him. He was not a hunter or a fighter. He loved to watch the birds, squirrels, and all life as he lay on the deck, or sat by a window.
I taught him to chase squirrels when we first met. I swear he only did it to please me. It was so not his thing, but he did it when I asked him.
He loved the water, being on a dock or in a boat was a treat. The Kayak rides were something he loved to do with Mary, as he took in life on the waterway.
He adopted Riley and Tazz with reluctance. Or they adopted him perhaps. Cats are different.
Really he just tolerated the two new fur balls as they tried to bath him as one of their own.
I walked him every day for 6 years in rain, sun, snow, sleet, ice storms.....only to take a break when he "asked" to go to Florida January 1 this year.
I will miss the morning walks, but will miss his serenity most of all.
Shamus, if you are reading this, and I figure you are, Thank you for teaching me to slow down and stop chasing squirrels.
Enjoy the moment.
Lay in the sun like you did in the afternoons at home. I will watch that spot by the door on the rug where the sun came in daily late in the day, and smile as I will picture you in a slumbered warm peace. No, you won't be there anymore and I will try not to cry because your gone but as Dr, Suess wrote" Smile because it happened"Smile because of the memories you gave us each and every morning when you had breakfast with us. Yes, sitting at the table ladies and gentlemen.
I know you are on a dock somewhere now buddy, watching life in the sun go by and laying in the sun replaying the beautiful memories that we all made together. I know we replayed many of them yesterday with tears in eyes.
You won't be forgotten. Ever. You touched a lot of lives Magoo! Rest upside down Pineapple Dog. Enjoy the view Shamus McTavish.
I hope they have kayaks for you in heaven