Thursday, May 14, 2009

Walk In Silence

I am complicated and I will be the first to admit it.
I share my day with you as it started with rain (much needed and much appreciated due to the grass seed planted a few weeks ago that requires constant water), but the day   leapt quietly into sunshine and warm summer like breeze.

My complications are internal as I sat in the glory of the backyard, an took in the solitude and wonder of nature. The tree's, grass, shrubs and plants that grace my daily view. 
As I sit at keyboard and type these words, i am reminded of the simplicity of life's concerto. The offerings that at one time I took granted.

No longer in a place where I felt "sad and sorry" for myself, I look at life in a whole new perspective. I see the birds different. I take in nature in a different light.
I type words in a place that I have not been too in ages! 
I like where I am. 
I have been dealt some blows and curve balls that sent me reeling for cover. There were times when I wanted to pull the sheets over my head and wait out the storm.
I pulled the sheets off.
I went into discovery mode.
I met, I saw, and I opened my mind to a world that I have never known before, I like this place.

I like it because in past life I believe I was in survival mode.  A spot that saw me going through motions to take care of people. A place where I was at best second or third fiddle to the universe before me. David was not important! The world before took precedent to my feelings, my concerto!

So on this Thursday before a long weekend to honour a Queen's birthday, I am happy, content, and serene. Most importantly I am at peace with myself.
 I like me!

That my friends is a long time coming!

My deafness seems almost non existent in an odd sort of way. I am indeed aware of my limitations in the world of cochlear implants and the digital 2.1 sound that miraculously graces my auditory nerves.
I am aware that I walk funny due to having no inner balance.

But the amazing thing is this: I don't really give a rodents rectum to how the world sees me at this point. I have come miles, and will go miles more and enjoy the journey, the road, the concerto that whatever life serves up has to offer.

Funny how it took 9 months of utter and profound deafness to get to this point. 
Odd that it took the loss of a 20 year soul mate to make me realize that my selflessness should of been tempered a tad!

The odd straggle of readers have walked through my journey of silence to sound. A few have shared in my loss of love one's. The point is simple to me, and I hope to you dear reader:
I journeyed an incredible journey to get to a point/place in my life where I had to deal and accept with the changes that life served up!

The concerto changed key signature without my say so. The view changed so many times, that I questioned a God of my understanding. I became disillusioned along with many of you, and looked up to the clouds and mussed "OK I have had enough! What else ya got?"

The sun is out and it will rise tomorrow, either behind a mask of clouds or in it's naked magnificent glory.  The blue Jay is back the squirrels are romping in the garden.

I am in awe of it all!!

And I have found a serenity that I looked for all my life.


Part of me wishes that the world could go deaf for a short period of time, in order to take in the visual wonders of the universe. I would want many of you to come to  an understand  through the world of silence of how simple life can be, and how complicated we make it. I want many to see how the eyes compensate for us. The visual wonder lings that are offered up for us to SEE, and not to miss as we Twitter, text. type, and talk away our live. 

Step out of your hearing world and look around! Watch and observe the new growth, the changes, the weeds, shrubs. plants, trees and growth that abounds us. Shut off the phones and ipods and walk where the world changes without our aid. 

It is an amazing place!

I hope 

warmest,

David






21 comments:

smiles4u said...

Wow! So much here...so much for me to digest and to ponder such wisdom written so beautiful. I am thankful that you are where you are. I am thankful for all that you seeing through what is in front of you and in reflecting on where you have been. Reading your words "I like me." are music to my soul. Oh how we work to get to that place of believing this.

You have been through so much and have so much wisdom that you have gained because of it. I appreciate that you share it so honestly and openely with us. Thank you.

And you are right it is an amazing place!

themom said...

David, I have to say I am totally impressed. The road you have travelled has been so rough and has tested your fortitude greatly. I'm so glad you sit back and see the beauty now. It will always be there, even in the darkest of times.

Chris H said...

Nice post Dude.... you are a neat guy and I hope life continues to get better for you day by day.

kcinnova said...

Self-acceptance is a wonderful place to be, and you have learned much about yourself. I am reminded of my good friend here in my town who has been through tragedy and trials, and yet she continues to look at the positive side of life. She can see the hand of God, active and loving, despite the heartache she has experienced. There are still days that she asks, "WHY?!?" but it does not torture her soul.
As for me, I am still learning and practicing self-love, self-acceptance. It can be a hard road, but it is a worthwhile journey to undertake.

This spring we have watched a pair of bluebirds build a nest. We observe, sometimes through glass window, and know that babies have hatched. Mama and Papa tag-team feed and care for their babies.
The earth and nature around us are indeed amazing!

Mary Ellen said...

Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. One of the reasons I come here is because you have achieved something I am still working on - and you inspire me.

La Belette Rouge said...

So profound. You continually amaze me. I just don't know how you manage to get to a place of wisdom and insight as fast as you do. Share your secrets!:-)

I have a friend who did a year long Buddhist silent meditation retreat and didn't speak for a year. It changed him forever. I know I couldn't do it. But I could turn off the TV, the Ipod and have an afternoon of silence and see how it changes me.
Thank you.:-)

Sarah Lulu said...

I truly believe the Universe delivered you to me ...

So inspiring.

I am balance impaired myself ...most of the time it's like being on a slightly rocking boat ..I have also learned acceptance of this and other crisis situations in my life.

I am aiming for the joy and wonder you have.

Have a beautiful day ...

Government Funded Blogger said...

Your ears might be deaf to sounds but your mind isn't deaf to anything. Will follow your journey with interest.

Nature Girl said...

Awsome! I can't wait to get to that place that you are...right now I'm in survival mode, and I'm not liking "me" very much. It gives me hope to read your words, that things will change...

Yay for you! I think it's totally awsome!
Stacie

Laura ~Peach~ said...

amen brother :)

Patricia said...

David, you've touched a part of my heart where I've been striving to get to for the incredibly long 4 years of my sudden deafness. 2 years in total nothingness shattered my world. 2 years since, I continue to search my inner self to try and understand and accept who I am now, where do I fit in, and the emotions overtake and overwhelm me at times, hoping to find the "best of both worlds" and somewhat wishing seamlessly to morph and blend into the new me.

I too have been given a "second" chance at a new beginning...my CI world is a constant reminder to me that life is everywhere, touches us deeply at times and opens our souls to self discovery in an incredible way. I've gone back so many times in "reflection" of discovering where I fit into this new "walk of silence" that you captured so eloquently.

I sense differently now and it amazes me. I've spent hours and hours each day in the silence of my new world...I see and feel life around me...I feel the power of the glorious sunrise in the many colours of God's love for us brighten and greet each new day. Now that spring has finally arrived, I've noticed the bulbs starting to bloom, the magnolia blossoms have started to drop off, but now replaced with the cherry blossoms in full bloom...and oh the sunset, it captures every sense in me and assures me that there will be a tomorrow, filled with renewed hope and faith.

I hope one day, I too will learn to discover the "real me", not defined by my loss of hearing or distorted words that echo and boom in my brain...the birds sound like beeps, and my son continues to sound like a mixture between a duck and the noise that filters in the background, however, I feel and breathe the life around me in an amazingly different way.

You're words go far reaching and you've captured the true essence of acceptance in amongst the sheer awe of discovering nature. It is indeed a wonderful world. Thank you so very much for sharing this wonderfully rich and soul fulfilling journey of your self acceptance. Sorry my post is so long.

jdm said...

Wonderful.

Dee said...

'Part of me wishes that the world could go deaf for a short period of time, in order to take in the visual wonders of the universe.'

We don't have squirrels here in the tropics and I know they can be pests to some but when I first saw them a few years ago I was mesmerized. I had nly read about them as a child. ah the wonders of the universe.

hockeychic said...

This is a beautiful post. I have been thinking a lot about how much we miss on a daily basis and am making a stronger effort to be present in each moment. Leaving the cell phone at home for awhile, leaving the iPod and going out and really seeing the world. Spring makes it that much more amazing.

Namaste.

Ramblings of a Villas Girl said...

Well said my friend. I am glad that you have found the peace that you so deserve. Lisa

dellgirl said...

I'm going to comment before reading what others say. This is such a moving post. I absolutely love it! I can relate to much of this. I too feel I spent past years in survival mode.

I am discovering that I no longer desire to take care of everything myself. I am working to free myself of the rush rush hurry hurry that so often ruled my daily life.

I will munch on your words and reflect on them now and then as I make my own way toward that peaceful serenity you so eloquently described.

Great post, Dave.

Jennifer Bruno Conde said...

Dave,

Here's to not giving a rodent's rectum how the world sees us! Peace, indeed.

Hugs,
Jennifer

Hetha said...

I've missed you. You sound wonderful! Thanks for the heavy dose of inspiration and for being such a wonderful role model. You're someone I admire greatly Dave.

Julie said...

Great post! I'm here getting caught up on my blog reading...finally. Happy Sunday!

Laurie said...

David, wonderful post from a wonderful person! I love reading and pondering your words. Thank you for your thoughts of wisdom.

jdm said...

Are you okay