So it is the big "Happy Birthday Guitar Boy day" and I may or may not have messed up already!
So aware of the day, and making it special especially in light of recent events, it was first and foremost in my mind all last week, and took precidence over all other sceduled events.
It dominated my thoughts and grocery planning.
My cleaning and laundry was based on the day arriving Monday, and I wanted to ensure I gave his day my undivided attention.
I planned the dinner.
Made sure I had all the ingredients for the menu.
I did all the pre-work on the Cherry Chip cake, including one trial run that was good enough to donate to a neighbour. (I don't need to eat cake two nights in row. Trust me. My 176 Lbs of ideal weight for my frame and height has crept up and is dangerously approaching the 180 mark.)
Cards and gift of course was done ages ago, and set in ready position for the day.
I booked his Nan to share in cake and tea after dinner.
So rise and shine time arrives this morning, and I head to his room to give him the ever so gentle "Morning little buddy. How was your sleep" routine that gets him up and in shower.
After his shower was done, I went to his bathroom to remind him of a couple of "housekeeping" items for the day.
"Dan, don't forget you have a dentist appointment today at 4, after school. I will meet you at home at 3:45 and drive you there"
"I know Dad, I remember" he scowls at me.
"And after Diner I invited Nan for cake and tea."
"Ok Dad, that works" he responds with a smile, knowing full well that it will be only a few painful minutes for a fifteen year old boy with his 85 year old Nan, but the reward will be a bunch of cash in a card.
"Oh, and Thursday this week, do not make plans. We have dinner at friends" I advise
"OK Dad. Anything else?"
"No, that's pretty much today, and the rest of the week is business as usual. I might go for a run on Wednesday night, but only for a 5 K slow one. No plans for weekend, so go ahead and book what you have to" I continue.
He is blow drying his hair at this point, and trying to be polite and not say "OK can I go now Mr. Schedule Man?" although that is the look I am getting at this point.
"Is that it?"he snorts and try's to blow me away, (literally using his blow drier) so he can get ready for school sans interruptions.
"Yea, that's it. Have a great one Buddy, and try not to do what I did in school" I say grinning.
"Bye Dad" and he flashes me his traditional ASL sign for I love you.
In the car I get, briefcase loaded, mug of "Morning Thunder" nicely tucked in cup holder, and off I go.
I replay the morning in my head.
"Holy Shit! I know today is his birthday, because that is all that I thought about/planned about/obsessed about....for the last three weeks" I scream to myself at the 12 K mark away from house.
"I forgot to tell him Happy Birthday! Give him card! Give him gift!" at this point I am screaming at myself in traffic. Fortunately I have my cochlear in and on of course, and the stares I am getting from fellow motorists just assume I am talking on Bluetooth.
Yelling actually at this point.
I grab phone and break my rule about using a cell when driving.
This is a case for rule breaking.
No answer. He has left for school
I try his cell.
He is diligent about turning off his phone in school.
"Dam his diligence!" I scream at the drivers staring at me.
So here I type trying to figure out if his "...anything else Dad" questions, were a kick at my scatter brained "aware it is your birthday. Planned this day for weeks actually. But at this moment the words Happy Birthday have failed me" space that I found myself in this morning.
So here I sit in my office.
My 15 year old sits in Computer tech class right about now, and I wonder if he is wondering about the way my brain works. How can you talk about something daily and the day of; not talk about it?
So I am right now texting apologies every 10 minutes or so, hoping that if and when he fires up his Motorola Rockr, they will come flying it and save my ass on this one.
I will not fail at the cake!
I will remember Christmas morning to say "Merry Christmas"