Monday, March 23, 2009

Ever Changing Life.

Just as I suspected, life at the speed of life carried on. The snow retreated and there were shades of brownish/green grass rearing their darling spiked and shriveled heads, as spring made a subdued entrance last week.

It had been my hope, to be back at full QWERTY by springs birth, but life got busy, and I am back at five strings, with full intention of doing something a little different soon.
Well, as soon as I can figure out what that is.

I suspect that the curve balls got fast and furious in the past little while, and then the carnival left town.
It got quiet.
I sat alone.

Guitar boy was busy with his March school break, doing what 14 year old's do best. X-Boxing until thumbs are red. Downloading until heard drives are bulging at the seams. You tubing until the last cow comes home.
Ahhhhhhh youth!
But then he upped and went to a buddies for an extended sleep over.
Wham!
I was alone, and it felt odd.

As I eluded too earlier, I wanted to move on and find new ground.
A new begging if you will.

In the end, I am back here, and perhaps for a while. I like it here.
Five strings is still my life, and my concerto. It best defines the musings of this boy at this time. MY liminal world and how it sounds.
It still sounds like 5 strings.

So on I go. Ahead I forge. Me and Guitar boy making our way in the world. Trying to stay away from the glowing temptation of cheap and easy fast food; and hoping to get healthier as our new focus is just us boys.

Still challenging the world of analog sound daily. Wishing I had the ability to deal with analog sound instead of a hugely expensive on-board PC that changes every "tick and tack" and "This and that" to ginormous strings of zero's and one's.
But it is my lot in life to live in the CI world. So I just need to "suck it up".

Some days are diamonds, and some are stone. Some are downright granite God Damn it!
But as you know; We all have 83 problems, and I am not about to attempt to lessen that load for the simple reason that as I do; another pops up.

Thanks for hanging around my friends, I missed you!
Missed you a lot, more than you know.

I miss a lot of things, but I find it easier if I just keep busy and not think too much about what I miss.
I open cupboards, and boxes, or find a photograph from healthier happier times, and I crumble for a bit.
Head down, I fight temptation to look up and curse the heavens.
"Why am I alone"? I want to scream.

Even Speeder checked out on me, and I really needed him for the longest time.

But life is funny. And forgiving, challenging, and passionate in many ways.

But it is also ever changing.

Warmest,

David

31 comments:

LegalMist said...

Welcome back.

We're still here for you, 'though I know the internet is a poor substitute for the closer souls you have lost so recently.

But we missed you. And we care. And we'll be happy to read your musings once again!

Welcome back.

Lisa said...

:,(

Life is ever changing. I feel for you my friend.

I'm glad you're back.

themom said...

I have been missing you, but assumed you have had a lot to deal with. Just know we all are here and we CARE!

Kay Dennison said...

Welcome back!!!! I have missed your thoughts here. Just do what you can when you can. We will be here. Sounds like you're both doing reasonably well in spite of everything and I'm glad for you.

Laura's medical journey said...

aw its strange how the internet comes up trumps for friends :) and a good natte with maybe someone you dont know but htey put life in perspective... !

but we are here for you!
:)

smalltownmom said...

Welcome back, David.

Sylvia K said...

We did miss you and we do indeed care, and we are here for you. And, no, the internet, blogging doesn't take the place of that dear loved one, but it does offer comfort and warmth, love and caring -- that's what we do for one another and, again, we did miss you. Welcome back, David, we are here for you -- always!

La Belette Rouge said...

It is lovely to see you. Come or go; here or there and we will be here. Take care of yourself.

K.Line said...

Hey - We're all here for you whenever the mood / need strikes. I think it's great to have a place to write your thoughts without feeling obligated to it. Right now, you have enough on your plate. Kxo

jdm said...

Good to hear your 'voice', David.

bobbie said...

I will always be happy to see your name come up on my reader, David. Yes, life is ever changing, and the changes will take you where they will, and you will one day realize that the change is becoming familiar and rather pleasant. Or at least easier to go with. Hang on. And let the words flow. They seem to help.

smiles4u said...

I think about you and your son every day. My heart aches for both of you...knowing that this place that you are at is so foreign and will take time to adjust. I know you must feel all kinds of emotions from moment to moment. I hope you allow yourself to feel and to scream when you need to.

I have missed reading your words but I am patient and will wait how ever long it takes. You are a special person that has a special way with words, that inspire me and make me think. I so appreciate your honesty and how you view things. I appreciate that you remind me, even while you are in pain, of the 83 problems...I needed your perspective tonight...thank you. Blessings, Lori

Liberality said...

I love "talking" to people over the internet. It's the one good thing I can think of about technology and what it has done for us introverts--connect us to others!

Stacie said...

I know you were looking for a change with your blog and such but with so much constant change in your life and your very life having changed so drastically in the last couple of years, maybe 5-Strings is destined to be the comforting contant for now? In either case, the comforting constant or the fresh start I'm glad you're here for now. and you are not alone. You are thought of fondly and daily, and by many.
Stacie

jeanie said...

Darn it, don't you just wish a day would be "normal", one that you could just nail down.

But there is never a normal - normal is abnormal - I always enjoy the perspective you offer through your blog and that you let us walk a little way along the path with you.

Jennifer said...

I just wish I could HUG YOU!! One thing I love about you...you're real. Hoping you will have more diamond days soon...I so want that for you! Remember that you have friends everywhere to lean on...and we love you dearly :)

Summer said...

Oh,welcome back.;D
Just always bare on your mind.We're all here to support you.;D
Keep on writing friend.Have a nice week..=)

Chris H said...

Remember your darling wife's attitude.. it was not "why me?"....but "why not me?"
She had an amazing strength of character, as I am sure you do too.
Just hang in there, and one day when you least expect it ...life will be great again!
It may take time, don't go expecting it any time soon... but it will happen. I promise.

Solo said...

Chris H is right.=)
Just know how to wait..;D
Have a nice day.Hope to see you on my bog too.;D

Jennifer Bruno Conde said...

Hugs to you from me, Dave.

Jennifer :-)

kcinnova said...

Sometimes we need to have a few constants when so much else has changed in our lives.
I'm glad you came back. You & Dan are in my prayers. I hope that he is taking some time to hang out with dad. You guys need each other.

Reluctant Blogger said...

Yes, maybe you should stay here for a bit. "They" do say that you should keep everything much the same for the first twelve months after you lose someone close - people feel tempted to make changes to ease the pain I guess, I'm sure I would have the urge to do that, but I think you have to live things the way they always have been but with the bits missing before you can move on at all or make sound decisions as to the direction to go. And that probably applies to blogging too.

This place has been good so why change it.

I admire your courage, David but I feel your loneliness and the way nothing and nobody can shift it. We are just ourselves, aren't we?

Big hugs as always. And come here whenever you need - people are always around.

Rob Inukshuk said...

One foot in front of the other and one day at a time seems about right for now. You do what you must to keep going and we are here when you want to say hi. Nice to find this post from you.

suddensilence said...

I'm glad you're back, David, and it looks like I'm one of many. :)

Life, indeed, does go on and I usually feel better after I write...I hope it's the same for you, and you can draw some comfort from Five String Guitar where your friends gather to support you.

Always thinking of you and Dan,

Wendi

Laura ~Peach~ said...

thinking of you guys always and keeping the prayers flowing.

SuzieQ said...

WB David!!

Good to see you here!! I'm sure while typing your blog, it helps to talk about it so you can heal. Time will heal so just remember this "BE YOURSELF". Embrace life what's left for us all and really see how precious life, your family, dog and close friends. Reach out if needed!! You aren't alone in this. T'care and do hope to see your blogs as they are very inspiring, hey, why not write a journal or a book of your experiences that could help others that its okay to be this way or that way. Very uplifting soul you got there David!! Don't change! ;)
SuzieQ

Mary Ellen said...

I'm glad you're here, and I'll be around to read whatever you have to say, whenever you have to say it.

Your voice is one unlike most others, and you enrich us each time we stop by. I hope we can be just a little comfort, or at least a distraction when you need it. You are that for so many, I know.

hockeychic said...

David:

Good to "see" you again. So many have written so nicely here and I echo so many of those sentiments.

So much loss you have had in a short span of time. As the flowers begin to bloom, remember that there are more diamond days ahead.

Namaste.

Lisa said...

You have such a gift with words. They are such a pleasure to read and absorb, even when you are righting about the difficult pieces of the life.

I'm glad you're still here.

AnnieOfBlueGables said...

Good to see you, David. Isn't it so hard when your world has crashed that life keeps marching on. Sometimes I feel like the sun should stop, the streets get quiet and life should take a minute to grieve with me, but it goes on oblivious to the hurt and frustration.
I have missed you as well, and am glad to see you back.
warmest hugs
~a

foolery said...

There is nothing I could possibly add to all of the warm and loving things which have been said before me, except, "Me, too." Please add me to the long, long list of those who wish you the best and take a measure of cheer just to see you here again.

Fondly,

Laurie @ Foolery