Monday, December 28, 2015

Back to Life

As the remains of the year colored our foliage,  and a late September frost nipped now and again,  I found myself all out of sorts.
 
With My Tinnitus raging 24/7  resulting in little sleep, which resulted in a depressive mood. The auditory hallucinations or the "Auds" (or Odds) as I often refer to them, drowned  out all important sound and brought me to thoughts that I never thought I would have. It also brought me to my knees  as well as visits to doctors, councilors and medical professionals. These medical peeps I at one time thought only existed in books and movies.

 My deafness, although accepted by yours truly at one time, became a bigger elephant in my room as it played games with my subconscious all the way to my attic where my fragile ego hung on for dear life. I was missing words, sentences, movies, music....LIFE!

So putting fingers to QWERTY is my therapy, and you my good readers, (is it vain to assume that someone is reading this?) are my therapists. I await your invoices.

The year of our Lord 2015 saw changes at the speed of life, surprises to send the heart into shock, deaths of good friends, births of babies including a "Poirier" that will carry on our family name, and changes of old ways to hopefully make David "better"
We lost our furry baby Shamus, in the early spring, and welcomed "Myla the Malshi/Monkey" into our home and hearts.

My beautiful wife and best friend Mary kept my sanity in check for the most part, and encouraged roads to take to get well again. She is my rock, and how she puts up with this deaf pain in the ass guy is more of a wonder every day!

Depression is a funny thing. When I read of other sufferers, my response has always been "oh come on, what do you have to be depressed about?". When I lost my hearing, balance, ability to hear and understand music, my wife of 20 years, my dog of 9 years, all within the year 2008, oddly, I felt fine.
Life moved along at the speed of life, and I got myself back to work and back on the horse as it were.
Then 7 years later I hit the proverbial wall. My "Guitar" still had only five strings, but it was now way out of tune.

Breakdowns come in all shapes and sizes which make them interesting to recognize. I can say with certainty that my life was, and is, fine. We  have no issues with money , and I have a good and challenging  job.  I  am happily in the best relationship of my life with a women that I have ever been in. So on that late September morning when I hit that wall at the speed of life, I was surprised, but in retrospect it all made sense.

Warning signs were there, I now recognize. But that is all in the past, and my go here at writing again is to help me. If anyone reads these little bits, then all the better. If anyone finds a gem or bobble out of these rocks, then even better.

So my hope is to write a bit as much and as often as I can and tune this beat up old five string to make some music.

Back on the horse!

Giddy Up!

David

2 comments:

joanne said...

Such a happy surprise to see a post from you . Then again , I hate to see anyone struggling with the monster depression . It has been a companion in my life on and off for many years . Hoping and praying that the new year will be kinder for all of us .

AnnieOf Blue Gables said...

Dearest David, I've not been on blogs for a long time. Facebook sort of stepped in about 6-7 years ago when Google discontinued their reader and I got lazy. But I was retreading my blog posts of long ago and found a comment from you. I've thought about you every once in awhile, but didn't even know the name of your blog.
I'm sorry for your depression. I hope you find your way out and 2016 is a wonderful year for you.
Two years ago we moved from Utah to Oregon. As we settle into our new life, I am beginning to think of my old friends. You, dear man, are one I consider a friend. Reaching out across the miles with a virtual hug.
~a