I share my day with you as it started with rain (much needed and much appreciated due to the grass seed planted a few weeks ago that requires constant water), but the day leapt quietly into sunshine and warm summer like breeze.
My complications are internal as I sat in the glory of the backyard, an took in the solitude and wonder of nature. The tree's, grass, shrubs and plants that grace my daily view.
As I sit at keyboard and type these words, i am reminded of the simplicity of life's concerto. The offerings that at one time I took granted.
No longer in a place where I felt "sad and sorry" for myself, I look at life in a whole new perspective. I see the birds different. I take in nature in a different light.
I type words in a place that I have not been too in ages!
I like where I am.
I have been dealt some blows and curve balls that sent me reeling for cover. There were times when I wanted to pull the sheets over my head and wait out the storm.
I pulled the sheets off.
I went into discovery mode.
I met, I saw, and I opened my mind to a world that I have never known before, I like this place.
I like it because in past life I believe I was in survival mode. A spot that saw me going through motions to take care of people. A place where I was at best second or third fiddle to the universe before me. David was not important! The world before took precedent to my feelings, my concerto!
So on this Thursday before a long weekend to honour a Queen's birthday, I am happy, content, and serene. Most importantly I am at peace with myself.
I like me!
That my friends is a long time coming!
My deafness seems almost non existent in an odd sort of way. I am indeed aware of my limitations in the world of cochlear implants and the digital 2.1 sound that miraculously graces my auditory nerves.
I am aware that I walk funny due to having no inner balance.
But the amazing thing is this: I don't really give a rodents rectum to how the world sees me at this point. I have come miles, and will go miles more and enjoy the journey, the road, the concerto that whatever life serves up has to offer.
Funny how it took 9 months of utter and profound deafness to get to this point.
Odd that it took the loss of a 20 year soul mate to make me realize that my selflessness should of been tempered a tad!
The odd straggle of readers have walked through my journey of silence to sound. A few have shared in my loss of love one's. The point is simple to me, and I hope to you dear reader:
I journeyed an incredible journey to get to a point/place in my life where I had to deal and accept with the changes that life served up!
The concerto changed key signature without my say so. The view changed so many times, that I questioned a God of my understanding. I became disillusioned along with many of you, and looked up to the clouds and mussed "OK I have had enough! What else ya got?"
The sun is out and it will rise tomorrow, either behind a mask of clouds or in it's naked magnificent glory. The blue Jay is back the squirrels are romping in the garden.
I am in awe of it all!!
And I have found a serenity that I looked for all my life.
Part of me wishes that the world could go deaf for a short period of time, in order to take in the visual wonders of the universe. I would want many of you to come to an understand through the world of silence of how simple life can be, and how complicated we make it. I want many to see how the eyes compensate for us. The visual wonder lings that are offered up for us to SEE, and not to miss as we Twitter, text. type, and talk away our live.
Step out of your hearing world and look around! Watch and observe the new growth, the changes, the weeds, shrubs. plants, trees and growth that abounds us. Shut off the phones and ipods and walk where the world changes without our aid.
It is an amazing place!